<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>I'm not used to urgency by the_interdimensional_help_line</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29097408">I'm not used to urgency</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_interdimensional_help_line/pseuds/the_interdimensional_help_line'>the_interdimensional_help_line</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hunter X Hunter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Gon Freecs is super gay, Gon doesn't want Killua to leave, Gon is kinda dumb in this as a personal attack on my beta reader but it's okay we still love him, Hurt/Comfort, Killua is also very gay, Killua understands that their relationship is really codependent and kinda unhealthy, M/M, Oblivious Gon Freecs, POV Gon Freecs, kind of, one-shot? more like PAIN-shot, thats it thats the fic, this one hurt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:01:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,420</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29097408</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_interdimensional_help_line/pseuds/the_interdimensional_help_line</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I love you,” Gon said without hesitation. It was true, it always had been.<br/>“I know.”</p><p>Or; In which Killua and Gon talk the night before they separate at the world tree, and Gon just doesn’t get it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gon Freecs &amp; Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>75</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I'm not used to urgency</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Stole the title from the song Hey by Egg, wonderful artist, check her out</p><p>Warning: this hurt to write and according to my beta it hurt to read</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gon was going to talk to Ging tomorrow, but he didn’t care about it nearly as much as he thought he would. It didn’t matter much in the face of the fact that<em> Killua was leaving</em>. He didn’t really think that they’d ever part, Ging or no Ging. It’s always been Gon and Killua, Killua and Gon, there wasn’t supposed to be one without the other.</p><p>Gon didn’t even want to find Ging at first, only to see what he was so drawn to about being a hunter. He’d only gotten that idea when listening to the recording that led them to Greed Island. What was the journey to find Ging but an excuse to bring Killua more places? To show him the world he was missing while cooped up on Kukuroo Mountain? An excuse to spend time with him? Wasn’t everything just an excuse to spend more time with Killua?</p><p>Killua said he would travel the world with Gon, but now he was leaving. They both were, and he had to stop it. No matter what it took.</p><p>It was 12:34 AM. Alluka was already asleep. It was a clear night. The moon shone so brightly through the windows of the hotel room that, in the back of Gon’s mind, he was wondering if he’d even be able to sleep that night. He often thought that Killua must be somehow related to the moon. Maybe Killua <em> was </em> the man in the moon. Sent down to Earth so that he wouldn’t be alone anymore, and now he had to go back to the sky.</p><p>This was probably his last chance to talk to Killua alone. The hotel room was too big, and he was too far away. He didn’t like it when the other boy wasn’t close by. With Killua to back him up, Gon could do anything, but without him, he was… uncomfortable wasn’t the word. Incomplete, maybe? <em> Wrong</em>.</p><p>“Killua? Can I sleep with you?” Gon whispered, ignoring the connotation that, had it been a normal day, Killua would have blushed at and called Gon embarrassing, insisting he couldn’t just say something like that. Gon was never great at whispering, but tonight he’d try his best so as to not wake Alluka.</p><p>Killua didn’t reply, just lifted up the covers a bit to beckon him underneath.</p><p>Gon slid in next to him. Killua stared at the ceiling with unblinking eyes. Most people would find his glazed over expression unsettling. Gon wasn’t most people, not when it came to Killua, anyway. He grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. Killua squeezed back but didn’t move his eyes from their place on the ceiling.</p><p>“Killua?” He finally turned on his side to face him. “Will you be here when I come down from the world tree?” Gon already knew the answer, Killua <em> knew </em> Gon already knew the answer.</p><p>“No, Gon, I-” The words died in his mouth. He tried again, “I can’t put Alluka in danger.”</p><p>“She doesn’t have to be in danger, I mean, I’m-I’m not asking you to come up with me.” Gon may not be the most eloquent person on the planet, but stumbling over his words, with <em> Killua </em> of all people, was a first. “The two of you could wait in the city, and after I talk with Ging the three of us could travel together. It doesn’t have to be some death-defying adventure. We could just… be together. We’ve been doing whatever I wanted for so long, now that you have something you want, we should do that together, too.” It didn’t matter to Gon what they did, not if Killua was by his side.</p><p>He replied a bit too quickly, “We can’t do that, Gon.” Gon wished that his voice would have wavered, even if only a little.</p><p>It, whatever had been happening between the two for these past two years, <em> it </em> couldn’t just… end. He needed something, anything to convince him. He couldn’t lose Killua. Of all the people in the world, Killua is the one that he absolutely could never lose.</p><p>“I love you,” Gon said without hesitation. It was true, it always had been.</p><p>There was one moment. A small moment before Killua looked at their feet, which had entangled at some point in the conversation, to hide behind his bangs. In this moment, Gon was able to see that he looked so, <em> so </em> heartbroken, and he decided he never wanted to see that expression on his friend’s face again. No matter what it took, he’d never say it again, apologize constantly, take it back a million times over because if it made Killua, strong, <em> amazing </em> Killua, look like <em> that</em>, then what Gon had said must have been so incredibly, indescribably <em> wrong</em>.</p><p>When Killua’s voice came again, it was quiet, “I know.”</p><p>His grip tightened on the other’s hand as if to say, ‘I love you, too,’ and Gon was able to breathe again.</p><p>“But,” Killua began, “that doesn’t mean we can stay together.”</p><p>Gon knew now, he thought he knew before, but this proved he was right. Killua didn’t really <em> want </em> to leave, how could he? The two were meant to be together. It was the only reasonable explanation for why he would <em> have </em>to.</p><p>“I know that I can’t use my nen anymore,” Killua’s head shot back up, but this time Gon was the one looking down, “But even if it never comes back, I promise to do everything I can to make sure I’m not a burden to you. You won’t be forced to protect me.”</p><p>When Gon looked back up, the look of heartbreak in Killua’s eyes was replaced by a mix of bewilderment and frustration.</p><p>“You seriously-” He cut himself off with a huff and <em> let go of Gon’s hand. </em></p><p><em> No. He couldn’t. It was Gon and Killua, Killua and Gon. They always stayed together. Killua couldn’t let go of his hand, not now, not ever</em>. </p><p>“You can’t possibly think that’s the issue here,” Killua finished, but Gon only half heard him over the ringing in his ears as he watched his hand fall to the pillow between them. Despite being under the far too heavy hotel bed covers, Gon had never felt colder.</p><p>With effort, he dragged his eyes back to Killua, “Then… Then why? I don’t understand.” Gon wanted to fix it, he would do just about anything to get the other’s hand back in his, but right now he didn’t know what <em> it </em> was. If not his nen, the one thing making him a liability, more a hindrance than a help, then what?</p><p>Killua’s expression became one wholly of frustration and sadness, “That’s the problem!” If Gon was thinking more clearly, then he might have been surprised that the shout hadn’t woken Alluka, but the only thing on his mind now was Killua. “You don’t even know, how could you not know?” There were tears in his eyes. Gon had never seen Killua cry, and he realized all at once how much he never wanted to.</p><p>He couldn’t-he simply couldn’t bear to see Killua so sad. So maybe it was selfish, but he didn’t really care. Gon, slowly, giving him every chance to refuse, pulled the other boy’s head into his chest. This way, he wouldn’t have to look at Killua while he was like this, but was still able to keep him close.</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Apologize when you know what it’s for,” Killua mumbled, the sound muffled against Gon’s shirt, which had begun to turn wet with tears.</p><p>Gon began to brush his fingers through Killua’s hair in an attempt to calm him, <em> soft</em>, “Can Killua tell me what I did wrong?”</p><p>Killua didn’t answer at first. They stayed like that for a while, Gon’s hand in Killua’s hair and Killua’s head against Gon’s chest. He wasn’t sure how long they were in that position, ten minutes at least, maybe longer, he wished they could have stayed there, in each other’s arms, forever. </p><p>But tomorrow would come eventually.</p><p>Killua pulled back a bit, just enough to be heard clearly, “I’m really tired, Gon, can we just go to sleep?”</p><p>Whatever Gon had done wrong must have been so, incredibly terrible because Killua had never put up a wall like that with him. Normal people, sure, hell, even their other friends, but <em> he </em> was supposed to be different.</p><p>So Gon, trying, for once, not to be selfish, hugged him closer and said, “Of course.”</p><p>Neither of them got much sleep that night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Funny how I purposely avoid fics like these because I know they will hurt me, then I write one</p><p>Anyway, yell at me on <a href="https://the-interdimensional-help-line.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>